Hey you, I know At times you want to write and post it in your blog publicly (for a change). I can see lately you’ve been having urges to do that, but then I notice you always decide not to. I think I have an idea why.
It takes a lot from you to give people a peep of what’s running inside your head.. of the demons that are constantly haunting you. It takes a lot of courage to let people see how vulnerable you are ‘coz they are used to have this idea of a happy adventurous you. The you that always has a piece of sunshine with you.
But then most days, your head is up in the clouds. You’re excited but scared and most of the time I see you worry. After all these years though, you haven’t learned how to let people see it exactly how it is inside your head.. and you don’t know how to feel about it.
Now I see you about to do what you usually do when everything is getting too intense and overwhelming. You are taking a step back and a little detour. A ‘lil break to clear your mind. Your reset button. A short absence only to come back and show up with a clear head and a stronger spirit.
The picture shows the first 2 veggies I bought this year. Haha!😅
A few days before 2016 ended, while spending the holiday break with my sister, we often talked about how we want to be fit and healthy. One of the plans we came up with was to cut the white rice from our meal and start preparing our own healthy meal. I’m talking about veggies, fruits, less to zero oil kind of food. #mealprep . As soon as I got back in Manila, day 1, I went to the supermarket to buy myself the food I need. The label says it’s organic so I’m assuming they’re the good kind of veggies.
I’m now on Day 8 and the struggle is becoming more real! 😂😅 Names
I was feeling a little anxious since yesterday so after church this morning, I went straight to a bookstore. I went to 2 bookstores,actually. It’s my thing. I can get lost inside my head with all the overthinking and being inside a bookstore somehow gets me out of my own head.It saves me from my own twisted mind. I find comfort just seeing and reading book covers. On worse days like today, I end up buying things I don’t really need or won’t be needing any time soon. Below are my purchases today. 😅
We all have our own sort of diversion or way of seeking comfort amidst all the crazy stuff going on in our life. I’d like to hear yours. 😊
Some scars don't always show.Not physically. You know what I mean?Yeah I bet you do.They don't have physical manifestations like the one you see on your kneeyet they came from the deepest of wounds.So rich in history that they became permanently embedded in us.Scars which aren't physically there but you feel them.The one from a wound that broke you. Changed you.From a wound you rather forget but couldn't.How do you deal with scars like that?How do you manage to live with that? -j.
It’s unfortunate how we sometimes choose to keep our thoughts and feeling to ourselves. Sure they say some things are better left unsaid but.. I don’t know. Sometimes, the things we keep to ourselves feel like scrap metals being scratched on to the surface of our brains and it scars your heart. It seems like the more we keep them to ourselves, the more they scathe us. Those unsaid thoughts haunt us. They haunt us so bad they sometimes get the best of us. What i find weird though is that we know what is good for us (or at least we think we know). We think keeping some of our thoughts and feelings to ourselves is the right thing to do. We THINK it’s what’s good for us..and we believe that. We believe it but it doesn’t really mean we feel comfortable about it. We’re not comfortable about it but we do it anyway because our guts tell us it is the right thing to do. I’m not sure how it is for the rest of the crowd but I sometimes have this melancholic moment wherein I wonder if the thoughts I left unexpressed would even make a difference.
‘WHAT will happen if you spill it out?.’
‘Will it change the game? Will the haunting stop?’
‘Will it make me feel better?’
–I don’t think it will.. I still want to, but I think i’m not supposed to.